Words are in adequate for the feelings of joy and peace and promise of spending one-on-one time with God. Uninterrupted for days and disciplined in fasting is a whole new level of dedication. This is what my dear husband is undertaking from Tuesday to Saturday (May 3-7). It's almost unimaginable what will happen when a focused, driven young man decides to examine his life, the Scriptures, the life of Christ, and his relationship with His Savior. Granted, he experienced the lack of fellowship and community at AIT for a few months, but now he's going to be on his own, looking and listening to God and pouring out his heart. It may take a few days to get anywhere more than "I'm so hungry" or "I wonder what's going on 'out there'," hence the 5 days. But as his wife, I anxiously await to see what emerges from this time of solitude and focus. As the mother of his kids, I have hopes of what our children can look forward to. There will probably need to be some time of questions and healing. But I pray he can be uplifted, renewed, inspired, blessed, and touched by our God and Savior. Perhaps God will answer some of our questions of direction and family purpose? Maybe instill beliefs and form philosophies of life? Above all, I pray that the God of hope will meet him there and that J will remain to hear what He has to say and hide it in his heart.
Praise Mountain
Friday, April 29, 2011
Leaving and Cleaving
One thing that I must say I've learned WELL during this time of living with family. When God said that a man (and woman) are to leave their parents and cleave to one another -it was MEANT to be that way. It is a GOOD thing to have your own house and home as a married couple. I'm not saying that a couple can't still learn from their parents, but in many ways it allows each couple (the parents and the children) to see each other from more objective views... the physical proximity and the challenge of authority and values in the home are not there to threaten the relationship. Again, I'm not saying that the parents no longer have authority over their offspring, but it allows the adult children the freedom to see and learn from their parents as other couples can... not with the expectations of the immediate obedience of a child, but the carefully weighed, loving consideration of an adult gleaning from those who have gone on before and learned lessons that life brings.
My time of living with family has taken me a long time to learn some things. I've been a poor example to my children about respecting other people's time, rest, space, and belongings. While I really just wanted them to feel relaxed and free to express themselves without fear, I've excused too many things and lost my temper when situations could have been prevented. Just waiting to to asked to help isn't acceptable from someone who considers themselves a child of God. I was trained to work hard and to serve others... but the one thing that I struggle with is initiative.
Cleaning up when it's not my mess and wasn't asked.
Being forthright in my needs and expectations, but also considering, without getting offended or "touchy" about conflicts or differences or others' expectations is constructive to relationships.
Taking care of my things better raises my care of other peoples' belongings (this also applies to time and rest/space).
There are others but these are the ones that have really "hit home" and didn't want to forget.
My time of living with family has taken me a long time to learn some things. I've been a poor example to my children about respecting other people's time, rest, space, and belongings. While I really just wanted them to feel relaxed and free to express themselves without fear, I've excused too many things and lost my temper when situations could have been prevented. Just waiting to to asked to help isn't acceptable from someone who considers themselves a child of God. I was trained to work hard and to serve others... but the one thing that I struggle with is initiative.
Cleaning up when it's not my mess and wasn't asked.
Being forthright in my needs and expectations, but also considering, without getting offended or "touchy" about conflicts or differences or others' expectations is constructive to relationships.
Taking care of my things better raises my care of other peoples' belongings (this also applies to time and rest/space).
There are others but these are the ones that have really "hit home" and didn't want to forget.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Neighborly Advice
I've been trying to walk regularly for the last 3 months. It's been more or less successful, especially when my dad asks me "are you going walking today?" ;-) We've learned a lot about the layout of my childhood neighborhood and also a few neighbors. The girls and I are learning to be polite and engaging to everyone that we see or come in contact with. One day I saw a big cage next to the wall of one of the homes we passed. Inside this cage were literally dozens of turtles! I had to show the girls and soon the owner and his wife were chatting with all of us. We now pass their house at least once a week and I chat with the Mrs. while the girls watch the turtles do their thing. =)
Today, I had been really struggling with wanting to make the process of getting back together with my hubby -to the point of finding the best priced tickets! I realized that I was -if not already had- taking things into my own hands and not laying it before my "Prince." As I walked, I chose to give over my desires and very deeply felt needs. I found myself, tears streaming down my face, weeping out a prayer of wanting and hoping and then denying myself along with my honest pain and fear of waiting even longer. K noticed my tears and did her absolute best (as only she can) to comfort me and get me to stop. :-p I then got to explain that just like people get angry, there is another emotion called sadness. Neither are bad. It's okay to feel them, but we have to be careful what we do about them.... and how we treat other people because of those feelings.
We made it to the "turtle house." This time the Mrs. came bearing Asian crackers for the girls and greetings at seeing us again (we hadn't passed by her house for over a week because of weather and busy schedules). She thought that we had left to be with the H already. She was struggling with emotional troubles of the future, just I had been. Unfortunately, she'd dehydrated herself to the point of hospitalization. I shared about how my parents didn't understand my need to "just be with my husband." While she understood, she said, "Oh, you can't blame parents though. Now, I know that I have a huge blessing that I have all 4 of my kids here on the same island. But not all my grandkids are even in the same country ...but I'm glad to have all of my great-grandkids here though."
That first statement along with what we discussed at our final Authentic Beauty Bible study last night sank into my mind and heart as I realized: I've been so caught up in being misunderstood by my parents but being understood by my husband that I'd lost the primary identity and purpose of my life -the one with my Prince- to fall by the wayside.
If I do have to stay with my family for another month, I need to change my outlook. So here goes:
If I were staying at any other older couples' home where their two adult sons were still living, how would I handle myself? They've been together for a long time and have dedicated their whole lives to ministry. They have adult kids and 3 of out of 4 of them have/will graduated from a Bible college. Their house is small and somewhat crowded. Their schedules are full and busy. Both have Bible degrees and were teachers of various ages. I can go on, but this is something to start with.
Today, I had been really struggling with wanting to make the process of getting back together with my hubby -to the point of finding the best priced tickets! I realized that I was -if not already had- taking things into my own hands and not laying it before my "Prince." As I walked, I chose to give over my desires and very deeply felt needs. I found myself, tears streaming down my face, weeping out a prayer of wanting and hoping and then denying myself along with my honest pain and fear of waiting even longer. K noticed my tears and did her absolute best (as only she can) to comfort me and get me to stop. :-p I then got to explain that just like people get angry, there is another emotion called sadness. Neither are bad. It's okay to feel them, but we have to be careful what we do about them.... and how we treat other people because of those feelings.
We made it to the "turtle house." This time the Mrs. came bearing Asian crackers for the girls and greetings at seeing us again (we hadn't passed by her house for over a week because of weather and busy schedules). She thought that we had left to be with the H already. She was struggling with emotional troubles of the future, just I had been. Unfortunately, she'd dehydrated herself to the point of hospitalization. I shared about how my parents didn't understand my need to "just be with my husband." While she understood, she said, "Oh, you can't blame parents though. Now, I know that I have a huge blessing that I have all 4 of my kids here on the same island. But not all my grandkids are even in the same country ...but I'm glad to have all of my great-grandkids here though."
That first statement along with what we discussed at our final Authentic Beauty Bible study last night sank into my mind and heart as I realized: I've been so caught up in being misunderstood by my parents but being understood by my husband that I'd lost the primary identity and purpose of my life -the one with my Prince- to fall by the wayside.
If I do have to stay with my family for another month, I need to change my outlook. So here goes:
If I were staying at any other older couples' home where their two adult sons were still living, how would I handle myself? They've been together for a long time and have dedicated their whole lives to ministry. They have adult kids and 3 of out of 4 of them have/will graduated from a Bible college. Their house is small and somewhat crowded. Their schedules are full and busy. Both have Bible degrees and were teachers of various ages. I can go on, but this is something to start with.
Dear God
I want to pray for my brother right now. He's under such spiritual oppression and blindness right now. He thinks that because all his expectations and dreams didn't happen, God doesn't care about him. He's so lost in himself that he's lost all sense of his Creator, his upbringing, his Savior, and his Lord. He's drowning in despair and self-pity. He wants to please everyone and do everything the right way to avoid pain and rejection. He's scared of everything and has premeditated answers as though there are no other possibilities. He's boxed himself in and is letting the devil take root in his heart. He's extremely needy and pessimistic. He's lost his hope. Please, give him Your hope, Your peace. Break down his self-made walls and show him You are here, close by, and You love him faults and all.
in Your Son, Jesus Christ's name,
Amen.
in Your Son, Jesus Christ's name,
Amen.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Patience
Being in such a trying time right now is testing one of my greatest weaknesses: patience.
Even as a child, I knew that patience did not come easily. It continued into my teens but as I got older, I thought I'd "dealt with it." I thought that, while 9 months would be hard away from my husband, I could "be strong" and just be fine. I forgot to weigh in being a mother of two toddlers by myself, and yet not completely by myself. I'd have to humble myself and take suggestions and direction and "rules" from the people I'd be staying with in those times. While my in-laws are not demanding at all, living with my parents again brings all the childhood and teen irritations that I had when I was completely under their authority.
Christ is the hope of freedom no matter what the circumstance, no matter where you are. I don't know how a non-Christian, single-mom can survive in this world! Not having a reuniting date with my husband is driving me a bit stir-crazy. How can a person without the hope of life in heaven after death keep pushing on in such an oppressing, sinful world?! Anyways, analyzing single-parenting, world-views, and immediate family issues was not the point of this post.
If I am going to survive this time and future times, I need to have an arsenal of thoughts (verses) hidden in my heart to keep from attacking those I love and disgracing the beautiful name of Christ.
2 Corinthians 6: 1-10
And working together with Him, we also urge you not to receive the grace of God in vain - for He says, "At the Acceptable Time I listened to you, And on the Day of Salvation I helped you." Behold, now is "the Acceptable Time," behold, now is "the Day of Salvation" - giving no cause for offense in anything, so that the ministry will not be discredited, but in everything commending ourselves as servants of God, in much endurance, in afflictions, in hardships, in distresses, in beatings, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labors, in sleeplessness, in hunger, in purity, in knowledge, in patience, in kindness, in the Holy Spirit, in genuine love, in the word of truth, in the power of God; by the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and the left, by glory and dishonor, by evil report and good report; regarded as deceivers and yet true; as unknown yet well-known, as dying yet behold, we live; as punished yet not put to death, as sorrowful yet always rejoicing, as poor yet making many rich, as having nothing yet possessing all things.
Galatians 5: 16-18, 22-26
But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desires of the flesh. For the flesh sets its desires against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. Let us not become boastful, challenging one another, envying one another.
2 Timothy 4:1-2
I solemnly charge you in the presence of god and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by His appearing and His kingdom: preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and instruction.
But you, be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.
1 Peter 2:18-20
Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable. For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience toward God a persons bears up under sorrow when suffering unjustly. For what credit is there if, when you sin and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience? but if when you do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God.
Even as a child, I knew that patience did not come easily. It continued into my teens but as I got older, I thought I'd "dealt with it." I thought that, while 9 months would be hard away from my husband, I could "be strong" and just be fine. I forgot to weigh in being a mother of two toddlers by myself, and yet not completely by myself. I'd have to humble myself and take suggestions and direction and "rules" from the people I'd be staying with in those times. While my in-laws are not demanding at all, living with my parents again brings all the childhood and teen irritations that I had when I was completely under their authority.
Christ is the hope of freedom no matter what the circumstance, no matter where you are. I don't know how a non-Christian, single-mom can survive in this world! Not having a reuniting date with my husband is driving me a bit stir-crazy. How can a person without the hope of life in heaven after death keep pushing on in such an oppressing, sinful world?! Anyways, analyzing single-parenting, world-views, and immediate family issues was not the point of this post.
If I am going to survive this time and future times, I need to have an arsenal of thoughts (verses) hidden in my heart to keep from attacking those I love and disgracing the beautiful name of Christ.
2 Corinthians 6: 1-10
And working together with Him, we also urge you not to receive the grace of God in vain - for He says, "At the Acceptable Time I listened to you, And on the Day of Salvation I helped you." Behold, now is "the Acceptable Time," behold, now is "the Day of Salvation" - giving no cause for offense in anything, so that the ministry will not be discredited, but in everything commending ourselves as servants of God, in much endurance, in afflictions, in hardships, in distresses, in beatings, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labors, in sleeplessness, in hunger, in purity, in knowledge, in patience, in kindness, in the Holy Spirit, in genuine love, in the word of truth, in the power of God; by the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and the left, by glory and dishonor, by evil report and good report; regarded as deceivers and yet true; as unknown yet well-known, as dying yet behold, we live; as punished yet not put to death, as sorrowful yet always rejoicing, as poor yet making many rich, as having nothing yet possessing all things.
Galatians 5: 16-18, 22-26
But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desires of the flesh. For the flesh sets its desires against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. Let us not become boastful, challenging one another, envying one another.
2 Timothy 4:1-2
I solemnly charge you in the presence of god and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by His appearing and His kingdom: preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and instruction.
But you, be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.
1 Peter 2:18-20
Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable. For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience toward God a persons bears up under sorrow when suffering unjustly. For what credit is there if, when you sin and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience? but if when you do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
The Applause of Heaven
the following is an excerpt from Authentic Beauty by Leslie Ludy (the study that I've been attending since January) p.196, 200-203
It is all too easy to become consumed with trying to understand ourselves, with trying to figure out who we are and what our purpose in life is meant to be. And it is all too tempting to become obsessed with wanting the world to understand us and validate our existence. In this day and age of self-consideration, our society exhorts us to have plenty of self-esteem... ...and yet the same society that encourages us to believe in ourselves also holds up the unattainable standards of physical perfection... Our culture breeds insecurity while heroically parading a message of self-esteem. And whether we listen to the one voice and constantly compare ourselves against unreachable standards, or give in to the other voice and spend our energy trying to feel better about who we are, both scenarios cause us to focus on ourselves.
Practical Steps for Delighting in Our Prince
Here are some great practical questions to ask yourself: Am I wholeheartedly aware, on a moment-by-moment basis, of the continual presence of my Prince? Am I able to speak to Him and listen to His voice no matter where I am or what I am doing?
Getting to the place of delighting in our Prince throughout the day takes focused effort. We live in a culture that specializes in creating one distraction after another for our minds and our hearts.
Someone once told me that I could determine the primary focus of my life where my thoughts went each night as I lay in bed, drifting off to sleep.
Developing a Quite Mind
My next step was to discipline my thoughts in the mornings, just after I woke up. Instead of immediately making a mental checklist for the day... I decided to try starting out my day by worshiping my Prince. ....usually it just meant taking a few moments when I first awoke to kneel by my bed, focus on Him, and thank Him for His incredible love and faithfulness to me. When my Prince became the first thing my mind dwelled on in the morning and the last thing I thought about before falling asleep, it was far easier to continue to focus on Him and communicate with Him throughout my day.
Only when our minds and hearts are resting fully focused on our Prince can we become reflections of His strong, steady, and unshakable peace. Take notice of where your thoughts go when you are alone during the day or when you are lying in bed at night. Ask Him to assist you in conversations, guide you in decisions, and help you reflect His lily-white likeness no matter what you are doing. As you learn to speak with Him continually and open your heart to listen to His voice at all times, you will be amazed at how completely you will begin to delight in your Prince all day long. For in "in [His] presence is the fullness of joy" (Psalm 16:11, NEB)
By realizing the reality of our Prince within us, we are never bothered again by the fact that we do not understand ourselves, or that other people do not understand us. The only One who truly understands me is the One who made me and who redeems me... It is a tremendous freedom to get rid of every kind of self-consideration and learn to care about only one thing - the relationship between our Prince and ourselves.
~Oswald Chambers
Practical Steps for Delighting in Our Prince
Here are some great practical questions to ask yourself: Am I wholeheartedly aware, on a moment-by-moment basis, of the continual presence of my Prince? Am I able to speak to Him and listen to His voice no matter where I am or what I am doing?
Getting to the place of delighting in our Prince throughout the day takes focused effort. We live in a culture that specializes in creating one distraction after another for our minds and our hearts.
Someone once told me that I could determine the primary focus of my life where my thoughts went each night as I lay in bed, drifting off to sleep.
Developing a Quite Mind
Having a quite mind is not a question of choice - if we are to go on at all, we must have a quite mind. All to many Christians break down, not because of their circumstances, but because of a weary, fretting spirit too rushed to dwell in peace.
~Amy Carmichael
It is only when the waters are perfectly still that they can reflect the glories of the heavens.
~Eric Ludy
A Thought to Ponder
I take my girls to the local library on Mondays for children's story-time. They have a hard time sitting through the whole session (~30min.), so I purposefully come later, so as not to disturb the other library patrons with running, squealing, crying little girls. After the reading time, there are two tables set up with crayons and coloring sheets. I think the latter part of the "library time" is my oldest's favorite part. She's gotten significantly better since we started attending back in January. The younger sister prefers to "hiding" between the rows of short bookshelves, as well as "inside" the standing, rotating, 360 shelves clustered together.
I meet new moms every week and have short, 411 conversations about our kids' ages, names, interests, and challenges. Today, I talked to a mom I'd seen before but not actually conversed with. She was curious about my youngest's name: Selah. One thing led to another and I learned that she's been a teacher for a while, has 5 kids (the oldest being adopted... a nephew, in fact, if I heard right), and is a Christian. I found myself asking her a question about toddler development and discipline issues.
She had quite a few things to share that I found interesting and somewhat helpful, but it was her last piece of advice that brings me to the title of this entry.
"You are a believer, right? So even after I read parenting books, I realize that a lot of what I 'use' in my parenting comes from what I've been reading in the Scriptures. After all, you are the best parent for your child, right? We believe that God doesn't make mistakes. He'll show you what to do as you spend time with Him and bring your questions to Him."
It was the "you are the best parent for your child" statement that got me. Am I REALLY the best parent for Kathryn and Selah? Just because I carried and bore them, I'm the best training and upbringing that they can expect in this life? And she based it off the statement that "God doesn't make mistakes." I don't completely understand why the reasoning doesn't seem to fit as perfectly as she made it seem at the time. Perhaps they are the best children for me? (A different way of seeing the relationship?)
The part that I am pondering though is the great responsibility that I have to rise to the occasion of teaching, training, disciplining, and loving the children placed in my daily care and protection. I am daunted and intimidated by that thought... I have no clue where to start. But then she gave me the answer to that, too: the Scriptures and time spent asking my LORD do have the answers in some form, I just need to be seeking them.
Strange how the obvious and past-proven answer isn't my first "go-to" or second nature, yet. :-/ I need to put some disciplines into my every day to insure such practices.
I meet new moms every week and have short, 411 conversations about our kids' ages, names, interests, and challenges. Today, I talked to a mom I'd seen before but not actually conversed with. She was curious about my youngest's name: Selah. One thing led to another and I learned that she's been a teacher for a while, has 5 kids (the oldest being adopted... a nephew, in fact, if I heard right), and is a Christian. I found myself asking her a question about toddler development and discipline issues.
She had quite a few things to share that I found interesting and somewhat helpful, but it was her last piece of advice that brings me to the title of this entry.
"You are a believer, right? So even after I read parenting books, I realize that a lot of what I 'use' in my parenting comes from what I've been reading in the Scriptures. After all, you are the best parent for your child, right? We believe that God doesn't make mistakes. He'll show you what to do as you spend time with Him and bring your questions to Him."
It was the "you are the best parent for your child" statement that got me. Am I REALLY the best parent for Kathryn and Selah? Just because I carried and bore them, I'm the best training and upbringing that they can expect in this life? And she based it off the statement that "God doesn't make mistakes." I don't completely understand why the reasoning doesn't seem to fit as perfectly as she made it seem at the time. Perhaps they are the best children for me? (A different way of seeing the relationship?)
The part that I am pondering though is the great responsibility that I have to rise to the occasion of teaching, training, disciplining, and loving the children placed in my daily care and protection. I am daunted and intimidated by that thought... I have no clue where to start. But then she gave me the answer to that, too: the Scriptures and time spent asking my LORD do have the answers in some form, I just need to be seeking them.
Strange how the obvious and past-proven answer isn't my first "go-to" or second nature, yet. :-/ I need to put some disciplines into my every day to insure such practices.
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