We've made it to our new home across the country. He starts his new job with his new team tomorrow. We've found our new church family -ironically they have the same name as the one we had to leave.
I am constantly debating taking up some part-time work (when & where).
Schooling or just some classes for my almost 4 yr old?
Potty-training the 2 1/2 yr old starting tomorrow.
Learning to "keep" my own home -all three floors of it!
Trying to make friends & figure out what "kind" of mom I am.
Struggling with "who I am" & how to "be" right now.
Battling complacency & aimlessness.
Scared of being yet staying in my "comfort zones".
Frustrated but fearful for my brother's mental state of being.
Excitement over family visiting in the summer!
Planning the 4 yr old's b-day party.
Cleaning & organizing our bedroom.
Wrestling fatigue & inner demons (re-read my last post).
Knowing what to "pray circles" about based on our new Pastor's message today.
How this 21-day fast challenge is actually going to work-out.
The Hunger Games. book & movie.
Election primaries & caucuses.
I don't know why I didn't have a clue what to pray for this morning! Oh the blinders of the evil one are so slimy & seductive... I KNOW that when I'm too comfortable & content, that snake has me just where he wants me: ready to steal, kill, & destroy all the blessings & potential God has worked so hard for in us, in me! I'm still baffled at what He could possibly do with, much less through me. I keep getting in the way. But here are my prayer requests to demand God's-will in:
The DEFEAT of my pride & self-righteous anger for 1.
The freedom & faith of my husband.
The discernment & education of my children.
The clear revelation of direction & purpose for our family & marriage.
He didn't just answer my prayers for an awesome job for my husband, simply for us to stay at home, accumulate stuff, & be comfortable the rest of our lives, with the occasional ministry at church or Bible study.
He didn't just uproot us from our location of choice to a foreign land with no family, simply to show us we are self-sufficient & fully capable on our own.
He didn't just hand write the last 2 years of our lives simply to hand the pen & paper "back into our capable hands." :-p
He didn't provide us a home bigger than almost anyone we have met since we moved here or an income so large that I can even consider staying home or working "just to have my own spending cash" just because we deserved it or even because we worked for it....
there has to be a bigger reason. my spirit knows this. it's been trying to tell me this for some time now. this is the first time i've stopped my busy mind to actually think some of these things through. life can't just be about me. i don't even know of anything i could find, do, or buy that would actually keep me happy forever -except my Creator. And He tells me that I was created for HIS glory & purpose; for HIS enjoyment & praise.
Yeah. I think I'll end with that.