Loving Well

Written May 2018:

This hard, hard time we’ve been having, as I have come to learn -is the perfect breeding ground for God to teach me some pretty big lessons about myself. It’s humbling and a bit discouraging. For all my years with Him as my Lord, I feel like I haven’t made much progress in my sanctification of becoming more like my beloved Lord and Savior.  ...just been made more painfully aware of how pathetic I actually am. My pride has taken a new tactic in the last few years -introversion. I have become more foolish & petty, more guarded & jaded. I continued to be judgemental and proud. And as I titled this entry: quite the opposite of what I’ve been learning from Beth Moore’s “Loving Well” retreat booklet. I do live in fear -these days it’s mostly of rejection & misunderstanding. A fair amount of it could be credited to the failing & sins of my husband’s former company’s callousness in abandoning us here, but it’s not like God isn’t sort it out in His perfect timing & ways.... that’s never been called into question... just ungratefully accepted & filled with 4 months of emotional & mental turmoil.