This word frustrates and agitates me. I want so much to believe that I have it, until I realize one day that I just don't. If I could have this one characteristic mastered, I truly believe that so much of my life would make more sense, be more productive, and be overall more peaceful. I guess I figure that if I understood and practiced self-discipline that I would be able practice my priorities so regularly that they would truly define me, not be words I like to mentally "hold to."
I have lost count the amount of times that I have thought these very thoughts (sometimes multiple times a day):
"If only I would get to bed earlier..."
"If only I remembered to pray as soon as my eyes opened..."
"If only I could keep on a set reading schedule of the Bible..."
"If I could only figure out a meal plan that I could stick to for the rest of our lives..."
"I need to have set days for chores like laundry, cleaning the bathroom, and all those chores I hate..."
"I need to create a curriculum for the girls..."
"I haven't done a blog entry in 2 weeks!!!"
"I need to pray about this..." (and then I get distracted)
"I've got to time myself on ______ (Facebook/Twitter/Blogs/iPhone)..."
"I wish I could have 'grocery days', 'craft days', 'cooking days', etc...."
"I shouldn't watch so much tv or so many movies..."
"If only I would keep up my walking with the girls every morning..."
"If I was only self-disciplined enough, I would have time for: ___________!"
Perhaps it's been short-circuited from all of our moving and current lack of steady work and house... but I only believe that that reality can only be taken so far. According to Scripture, I HAVE already been given all that I need for godliness and righteous living. (Not sure where I gathered that thought just yet...) Could it be that I am falsely assuming that a self-disciplined life is synonymous with righteous living? I don't think so.... after all, Proverbs has nothing good to say about the slothful, lazy, or wasteful person.
I don't think I am ALWAYS a lazy person, not slothful, and definitely not intentionally wasteful... but still I look around every home that I have ever lived in and I always seem to reach this point of utter chaos and mess topped with an attitude of defeat and apathy. :-p My conclusion: I have no self-discipline.
Would a truly self-disciplined person ever reach the point of apathy?
Would a truly self-disciplined person complain as much as me?
Would a truly self-disciplined person constantly battle thoughts of failure and inadequacy?
Would a true follower of Christ be as undisciplined as me?
These are my musings, not necessarily my convictions... though it is what I am currently struggling with. I welcome your thoughts and prayers...