Friday, June 8, 2012


During a family walk last night, my husband asked me if it bothered me at all that I didn't have any real "marketable skills." While, yes, I do have 2 degrees (AA & BA), my work history is small & limited. I really haven't shown any initiative or even interest in finding work... Lord forbidding, if I were suddenly left with 2 little girls to take care of on my own, I honestly have no "contingency plan" other than returning to family. While I know either side would be more than willing to help, at almost 30 yrs. of age & two degrees, I ought to be able to at least get something before our life-insurance would run out.  I only ever had 3 ambitions in childhood: overseas missionary, wife&mother, & nursing. At this point, leaving the country on my own with 2 little girls is really rather foolish if not impossible. I would probably remarry but I can't count on that happening or wanting it to happen depending on the circumstances. And at this point, starting a very time-consuming, physically-demanding career is not what our family needs right now.  
What I do need is something to jump-start my desire to learn again. While I love my family, I really get bored of only looking forward to learning about new ways to feed, clothe, wash, & entertain my children. SO much time really just becomes tedious & unproductively repetitious. "Why bother washing the clothes  I just folded yesterday again today?" "I just emptied the dishwasher of these dishes this morning..." "What did I do today? oh, vacuum the same strip of carpet from 2 days ago." Don't get me wrong, I do my household duites, but I really have NOTHING new from day to day. I interact with the same 3 people from morning till bedtime, with the occasional neighbor or two. I work out regularly with no other reason than a few hours away from my kids & to "keep up" with my husband. I have no friends at church, no ministry to pour time or energy or imagination into. I read 2 monthly magazines & watch tv series with my hubby for entertainment. I have no outlet to sing, dance, create, or play music. I live for "Date Night" but never seem to have anything worthwhile to share or bring for conversation. I really have nothing to look forward to or to use my quickly "rusting" skills, abilities, & talents. 
In short, I need to find work. It is good to work. Depending on what I find, I can meet new people, learn new skills, get better at skill I have, and be an overall productive, contributing member of this family. I might get to use my gifts & talents, but more importantly, I can actually interact with people of differing, conflicting, or no faith.  I can learn to actually "be a friend" & "be Jesus Christ" to others through quality work, perseverance, godly behavior, willing attitude, etc.  Times with family will be more valuable & (hopefully) better planned & utilized. 
I hate being a sloth. And I came to the ugly realization that I have been one for a while now. :-p Hoping to change this in the next month or so (after family comes to visit & James' schedule isn't so brimming with trainings, conferences, & travel.) Prayers MUCH appreciated & needed! 

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