Second day of "fasting." I type it in quotes because fasting in a very uncontrolled situation, with guests and visits to other family members is pretty much impossible. After successfully fasting most of yesterday, I had an unexpected guest arrive in time for dinner. It would have been strange to feed my guest and then sit there and watch her eat. Today I made it through breakfast and almost through lunch, until we had to pay a visit to my dear Grandma's home where turning down food for any reason is considered rude. :-p
I've come to the conclusion that I am fasting from one meal each day and tomorrow I will fast from dinner. I'm still learning a lot and sending up a prayer for God's love to pour out onto my husband and His protection around him every time those hunger pangs (or thoughts of food) enter my mind. I'm learning to drink more water, to deny myself of simple little pleasures of sweets, 2nd helpings, and constant nibbling. 100% juice and milk help to "hold off" hypoglycemic reactions to the lack nutrients from my meals.
I noticed that J "liked" Pure Desire Ministries International, which is the book he wanted to finish so much while in Portland. I'm assuming that with all the time he's had today, he's mostly finished the little book. I still have a few chapters to go. Perhaps he's highlighted and made notes, too... I'll be able to see them since our Kindles are still on the same account.
Praying for God's guidance in knowing how to handle my anger-prone eldest child. I had to put her in the car-seat again while we were at Grandma Joy's house. She got angry over a simple apology and simply screamed bloody murder when asked what was wrong. I could not get her to calm down. I spanked her hard, twice. It made her temper tantrum even worse. The only thing I could think to do was to remove her from everyone and keep her from hurting herself: the car-seat. The last time I had to use this form of control was at AWANAs when she refused to keep her shoes on. She sat in the car screaming while her classmates were singing, getting rewards, enjoying snacks, and free-playing. By the time she calmed down, most of her friends had been picked up by their parents or were leaving. It was a hard, but extremely powerful lesson in learning to obey and practicing self-control -or the lack thereof, resulting in temporary isolation and deprivation of blessings/relationships.
This time, I hope, was just as effective, because she returned to apologize and quietly sniffed that she "Never want to be alone in the car by myself ever again. I was all by myself and I didn't like to be that way. I wanted to be with everybody. I need to obey and say I'm sorry and not screaming anymore...."
We also dropped Dad off at the airport for his personal vacation time to visit family and friends in CA until Mom and #1 brother join next Wed. for sister's birthday a week from tomorrow. Wow. My baby sister is graduating from college at age 20. O_O Very proud of her though, as most of her friends still have at least one more year to go, if not more.
I miss talking to J before dinner, but I know that something much more important is happening. I'm praying that he is being comforted by Him and conformed to His Word. I'm praying that his soul is finding rest and shelter, as well as living food and water. I'm praying that I would be a better mother and a the type of wife that I would want to be married to. I'm asking the Lord to help me to die to myself and to change my natural ways of thinking and reacting.