I've been trying to walk regularly for the last 3 months. It's been more or less successful, especially when my dad asks me "are you going walking today?" ;-) We've learned a lot about the layout of my childhood neighborhood and also a few neighbors. The girls and I are learning to be polite and engaging to everyone that we see or come in contact with. One day I saw a big cage next to the wall of one of the homes we passed. Inside this cage were literally dozens of turtles! I had to show the girls and soon the owner and his wife were chatting with all of us. We now pass their house at least once a week and I chat with the Mrs. while the girls watch the turtles do their thing. =)
Today, I had been really struggling with wanting to make the process of getting back together with my hubby -to the point of finding the best priced tickets! I realized that I was -if not already had- taking things into my own hands and not laying it before my "Prince." As I walked, I chose to give over my desires and very deeply felt needs. I found myself, tears streaming down my face, weeping out a prayer of wanting and hoping and then denying myself along with my honest pain and fear of waiting even longer. K noticed my tears and did her absolute best (as only she can) to comfort me and get me to stop. :-p I then got to explain that just like people get angry, there is another emotion called sadness. Neither are bad. It's okay to feel them, but we have to be careful what we do about them.... and how we treat other people because of those feelings.
We made it to the "turtle house." This time the Mrs. came bearing Asian crackers for the girls and greetings at seeing us again (we hadn't passed by her house for over a week because of weather and busy schedules). She thought that we had left to be with the H already. She was struggling with emotional troubles of the future, just I had been. Unfortunately, she'd dehydrated herself to the point of hospitalization. I shared about how my parents didn't understand my need to "just be with my husband." While she understood, she said, "Oh, you can't blame parents though. Now, I know that I have a huge blessing that I have all 4 of my kids here on the same island. But not all my grandkids are even in the same country ...but I'm glad to have all of my great-grandkids here though."
That first statement along with what we discussed at our final Authentic Beauty Bible study last night sank into my mind and heart as I realized: I've been so caught up in being misunderstood by my parents but being understood by my husband that I'd lost the primary identity and purpose of my life -the one with my Prince- to fall by the wayside.
If I do have to stay with my family for another month, I need to change my outlook. So here goes:
If I were staying at any other older couples' home where their two adult sons were still living, how would I handle myself? They've been together for a long time and have dedicated their whole lives to ministry. They have adult kids and 3 of out of 4 of them have/will graduated from a Bible college. Their house is small and somewhat crowded. Their schedules are full and busy. Both have Bible degrees and were teachers of various ages. I can go on, but this is something to start with.